Sunday, December 16, 2012

Christian Men: Atheism is More Masculine

This post is dedicated to my fellow male, heterosexual, old-school, red-meat eating, black coffee-drinking, football-watching mountain-climbing American men - specifically, to Christian men. Why am I writing to you guys? Because you don't realize how much better suited atheism is for men than what you currently believe, that's why. And here are the reasons:

1) You can call bullshit on things that are bullshit. No more having to keep your mouth shut because you might hurt someone's little feelings even though they're spouting crazy talk. No more putting up with half-assed justifications for things. Either something is true or it's not, end of story, and no one wants to hear the whining, so get over it.

2) You get stronger by purging bad beliefs.  But how do you do this?  You recognize that changing your mind when you get new information shows strength, and burying your head in the sand and refusing to consider it shows weakness. It seems that Christians of all people should most understand how fallible we are. This is both a form of humility and a method of self-improvement.  Recognizing that any belief, any belief, can be fallible, and that after you fix it you're a better man, doesn't hurt you - it makes you stronger.  The truth will always win out.

3) You know that just because you want something to be true, that doesn't make it true. Grown-up men are able to separate those two things. And when people whine and don't want to accept something, there's no burden on you to put up with their bullshit. (See #1 above.  Wouldn't that feel great?) And when you suspect something you believed before is false, you aren't afraid to think about it aggressively, no matter how true you want it to be - because if it's false, you want to purge it from your system.

4) You're strong enough to survive and prosper knowing that the world doesn't give a damn about you. I'm sorry to say this Christian guys, but to us atheists a lot of things in Christianity seem like something straight from hippies - like this idea that there's a kind old grandpa watching over us all. It's a hell of a lot more masculine to realize there's nothing out there that cares about you, and still take care of your family and prosper, because that's the right thing to do. If you're an atheist, you know there's no justice and profit in the universe except what you force there to be with your muscle and brain.

5) There's just about no idea in the world more masculine than Darwinism. If you're strong, you survive and prosper. If you're weak, you lose and die. Seriously, what's manlier than that? What's more, this is the law on the football field, in capitalism, everywhere you look - including the natural world. And then you even apply it to your own beliefs - destroy and discard the weak ones, keep the strong - and you improve yourself.

6) Atheism is the only true form of self-reliance. You know there's no one but you helping you, and more importantly, you know why you believe what you believe. Your values are up to you, and what you accomplish in life is on you. If someone says they were survival-hunting in the wilderness but had a helicopter waiting to pick them up if they got cold or hurt or hungry, is that self-reliance?  Because that's what religion seems like from this side of the fence. But now, you don't have to swallow what some clueless old dude tells you is the right thing for you. You understand all your values, because you reasoned through them yourself instead of memorizing them from a list someone gave to you, and it makes it that much easier to abide by them.

If you're Christian, it's possible that you're getting upset as you read this.  So what?  Am I wrong?  Tell me where, and I'll change my mind.  But if you can't say why this is wrong, then you should change your mind.  Unless you're not strong enough.


Anonymous said...

You're completely right, yet I'm still a Christian. This is exactly the approach I take to my Christianity, and it pisses a lot of other Christians off (especially women). Then again, I believe in evolution, the big bang, and capitalism. I'm not exactly a deist, but I believe too many people want God to live their lives for them. I realize things about the BIble others would cringe about: such as the fact that the original authors were henotheists (read: multiple gods exist, ours is just the best & their daddy), and I take in every belief I learn from the Bible and every realization I learn through science or personal experience, no matter how harsh, while casting out everything I've grown up with that doesn't stand the test of truth or rationality. For me, the existence of a God who wants to punish you for being an asshole by burning you for a long time fits in with everything else I know about the universe, such as asteroids completely eradicating most life on Earth every once in a while or supernovae obliterating entire planets. The fact that the God of the Old Testament kills so many people for little things makes me believe that it's more likely He's real, because of how much chaos and destruction and eventual oblivion are wrapped into this world. I don't even know whether to believe in an afterlife, but I believe it's good to give no shits what people think and have an objective moral code to live and die by. At the same time, I realize that if I grew up in ancient Israel, I'd have been dead before 8. Realize that the biggest capitalist pioneers, the 'robber barons', if you will, were Christians, and I think you would understand where I'm coming from. I'm not a fan of this pussified, long-haired, feminine, Jesus shit. I'm all about trial by fire, wiping out entire peoples, the Jesus who smites all nations of the people who neglect him. Of course I'm also about the golden rule, but doing unto others as I'd have them do unto me means beating the shit out of those who haven't learned their lessons yet.

Michael Caton said...

Thanks for your long comment - really, this isn't a theological problem so much as a problem between the espoused principles and many male Christians' identities.